A women once casually announced in a mediation, “I already told the kids, we have to sell the house because of the divorce.” Her soon-to-be-ex husband was visually upset by this announcement. He felt that it was premature to tell the children anything, and there was a better way to let them know they might have to move.
It turns out the husband was one-hundred percent right—the couple worked it out so that the family home wasn’t going to be sold until the kids went to college. So the kids never needed to worry that they were leaving their friends behind and changing high schools.
All divorcing couples are told not to speak badly about each other in front of the children and not to put the kids in the middle of their divorce. But aside from warning couples to avoid obvious pronouncements like: “Your father (or mother) is a #$%^&!!!” there seems to be little advice on what NOT to say, especially around finances:
Don’t discuss any of the financial terms of the divorce with your children especially if you’re implying the other parent is being unfair.
If you have to discuss finances, don’t say anything until terms are set. Keep your kids clueless about the negotiations with maglie calcio poco prezzo your spouse. Digesting the news of the divorce is enough for them to handle. Don’t tell them that the house will be sold, they’re being pulled from their private school unless you’re both absolutely sure this will happen.
Don’t explain money problems without your ex. If you and your ex are struggling because of the divorce, explain to the kids that two households are more expensive than one, but you’re going to work together to take care of them.
Don’t be afraid to ask for sacrifices from your children, just make sure your ex has your back. If you and your-ex can no longer afford the family house or the pricey college, make sure you sit down together and tell the children.
With financial matters, parties so often feel they got an unfair settlement in the divorce, especially in a messy litigation. And it’s so easy for this message to slip out to your kids. But remember, you’re putting your kids in the middle and making them divide their loyalties if you tell them that you – or even they—have gotten a raw deal from your ex. (Even if you’re right!!!)
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