The other day I met a grandmother with her two grandchildren in an ice cream store. When the grandmother left the store, I noticed that she and her grandkids drove off in her former daughter-in -law’s car. How wonderful it was to see that this grandmother still retained an amicable relationship with her former daughter-in-law!
In a divorce, it’s natural for grandparents to support their own child going through the divorce process. Sometimes though, grandparents encourage their child’s animosity toward their ex-spouse.
However, what few grandparents realize is that during their child’s difficult divorce, helping them remain civil toward their soon-to-be ex is good for everyone: the mother, father, children and yes the grandparents too.
When your child is getting a divorce, you will still want access to your darling little grandchildren. Although it is easy to alienate that “awful daughter or son-in-law,” down the road you will still want to still play an important part in your grandchildren’s lives.
- Encourage your child to mediate their divorce.
- Although tempting to bad mouth your child’s spouse, remember that you will still be interacting with him or her through the grandchildren.
- Be available for your grandchildren. There is no better remedy for a child going through a divorce than a visit from a loving grandparent.
In divorce mediation, parties recognize how important their parents are in their children’s lives and often discuss the role of the grandparents post-divorce.
- One mother asked that we put a clause in the agreement that if anything happens to her, the ex-husband would continue to encourage the children’s relationship with their maternal grandparents.
- Another couple asked that we include in their agreement that the paternal grandparents would be the first choice for a babysitter when the parents are unavailable.
- One couple wanted their agreement to state that each summer the children will be able to spend all of July on their paternal grandparent’s farm.
Yes, the list of ways grandparents can and should be Ray Ban outlet incorporated into grandchildren’s lives post-divorce are myriad.
However, in a traditional litigated divorce, with lawyers talking to lawyers, discovery, depositions, motions and parties advised not even to speak to each other, the role of grandparents is last on the list (if it even makes the list at all!) of concerns as parties plan their trial strategy.
Divorce mediation allows the divorcing couple the flexibility and creativity to discuss the role of grandparents. So while a grandparent’s initial response to their child is “hire a lawyer and take that so-and-so spouse of yours for everything they are worth,” remember that the thing that’s worth the most might be overlooked in this strategy—your relationship with your grandchildren.