If you go the traditional divorce route and hire two attorneys, the first thing they say is don’t talk to your spouse!!
But you often have plenty to say; some is just a repeat of your past grievances – you want to carry on the fight!
Often though, we find as mediators, the divorce process itself brings up emotional issues that couples want to discuss. These issues can be successfully mediated and give couples a sense of closure and ability to move forward with their lives.
Pick a Plaintiff, any Plaintiff: Technically speaking, now that New York State has uncontested divorce, it makes no difference who is designated the plaintiff or defendant. In our divorce mediation practice, we often find this doesn’t preclude couples from having emotional reactions when choosing. Often one party feels wronged (that affair!) and needs to talk about their wish to be the plaintiff. It gives them the symbolic acknowledgement they were hurt. On the other hand, a party sometimes expresses the desire to be the defendant: “You wanted this divorce. I never did. You need to say you’re starting this action.”
You’re Taking My Child into Custody! The very terminology of divorce can be scary. We’ve had parents very upset that they are “giving up custody” of their children to the other parent. In mediation, we develop “parenting plans,” and discuss what is best for the children, while honoring both parents’ feelings of loss not having their children with them all the time.
Out with the In-Laws: We’ve had couples tell us pointblank that their extended families ruined their marriages. When you go through a traditional divorce, lawyers aren’t going to listen to your mother-in-law woes. In mediation, you get to address your concerns about your maglie calcio poco prezzo in-laws and how it’s best to balance the needs of your children to know their extended family while reducing any negativity these relatives bring into their lives.
You’re Not being Supportive!! An award of maintenance (alimony) by the courts is a crapshoot, even with new legislation on the books. (Coming soon to a blog at this website!). The final amount comes down to the discretion of a judge. Mediation gives you the opportunity to discuss how to strike a balance between how much maintenance the payee needs to live, without hurting the payers’ ability to also make ends meet. And it also allows parties to discuss this very emotional issue. Often a stay-at-home parent doesn’t feel that the other party respects and values the contribution he or she made. The party in the working world wants their spouse to appreciate their real fear of job security or reasonable desire to retire.
When you mediate, you have an opportunity to discuss all the emotions triggered by the divorce process itself. Mediation helps each party understand the worries and concerns of the other – instead of stewing on the sidelines while your two lawyers charge to chat between themselves!