What is Divorce Mediation?
Divorce Mediation is a series of conversations guided by a mediator that you and your spouse have to negotiate all the terms of your divorce, separation or the dissolution of your domestic partnership. You and your partner work out what you want in your divorce agreement, deciding on terms you both think are fair.
As neutral mediators, we don’t take sides in your negotiations. Instead, we keep your conversations productive, making sure you resolve all the issues: finances, maintenance, property, child custody and child support – and any other sticking points.
How Can We Reach an Agreement When Every Conversation Ends in a Fight?
You don't have to get along with your partner to reach an agreement. As trained mediators, we guide discussions and reduce tensions.
We're here to help you:
- Define the issues that are most important
- Focus on issues even when emotions run high
- Identify solutions you hadn't considered
- Devise ways for the two of you to communicate more effectively
Is Mediation Helpful for Families?
Your children are your biggest concern now and as you continue to co-parent after the divorce. With mediation you learn ways to avoid putting your children in the middle of your conflict.
As trained mediators, we help you:
- Resolve custody and child support issues
- Devise a parenting plan covering weekly visitation, holidays and vacations
- Develop ways of communicating about the children after the divorce.
With divorce mediation the both of you – not the courts and judges – decide what’s best for your children. The positive effect on your children is tremendous. When they see you cooperating, you’re imparting a valuable life lesson – that conflict can be dealt with in a mature, productive way. And research shows that when parents mediate, they both have a better long-term relationship with their children.
Why is Divorce Mediation So Much Less
Expensive Than a Traditional Divorce?
In a traditional divorce, a couple has to hire two separate attorneys and pay each a retainer. In divorce mediation, there is only one fee for both of you and no retainer.
Divorce mediations are finished much more quickly than traditional divorces, which often drag on for years, resulting in large legal fees. On average, the entire mediation process is completed in 4-8 sessions.
Once We Have Reached an Agreement
on the Terms, Are We Divorced?
No. There are two further steps to an uncontested divorce:
- After you've resolved financial, child support and custody issues, you can decide to have the mediators execute an agreement detailing the terms you've agreed upon. This agreement can be used as a basis for filing your divorce papers.
- The agreement becomes incorporated into uncontested divorce papers that are filed with the court. There are three paths to an uncontested divorce in New York State:
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- Fault grounds: One of the parties must allege grounds, or fault. Grounds are: cruel and inhuman treatment; abandonment (including refusal of sexual relations); imprisonment; and adultery.
- Living apart pursuant to a separation agreement: The two of you must live apart according to the terms of a signed separation agreement for one year. Using this ground requires waiting one year before filing for your divorce.
- No-Fault grounds: Since October 2010, a party need only allege that there have been Irreconcilable Differences for a period of at least six months before filing.
If you file for an uncontested divorce, neither of you has to appear in court.
Do We Need Lawyers in Addition to a Mediator?
Although we are New York State licensed attorneys, as mediators we do not represent either of you in that capacity nor do we give you legal advice. If you choose to have us prepare an agreement, we advise each of you to consult an attorney to review it. This ensures that you have a full understanding of your individual legal rights and responsibilities before signing the agreement, which then becomes legally enforceable.
Is Mediation a Form of Couples Counseling?
No. Mediators don’t try reuniting you. They focus solely on making your separation as successful as possible.
Is Mediation the Best Option for Everyone?
Mediation is not appropriate for couples with a history of repeated physical violence. There also may be other extraordinary circumstances that rule out mediation.
What if We Try Mediation and it Doesn’t Work for Us?
If you feel the mediation is not successful, you are under no obligation to continue. You may choose to hire attorneys and litigate your divorce.